THEME
 (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer:  “Damn f**s.”
Gay Man:  “Excuse me?”
Angry Customer:  “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man:  *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer:  “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”  (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer:  *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”  (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner:  “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife:  “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner:  “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”  (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

sextradite:

ridge:

IM REALLY TIRED OF PARENTS THINKING THAT EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET IS A PREDATOR 

ikr wanna meet up and talk about it so where do you live?

posted 7 hours ago with 322,621 notes via doorfin ( ©ridge )

nishlo:

tukut:

ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now

these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately 

riderphanomhive:

memeguy-com:

There is no good and evil there is only power

I swear to god I tried to scroll.

mrozna:

milkscab:

haus-of-ill-repute:

Squirrel being fed by a marionette of an old lady being controlled by an old lady. My life is complete   

Life goals

#this

wobbufetts:

aidn:

how the hell do i talk to people

Stand in front of them and press A

posted 7 hours ago with 130,403 notes via rneerkat ( ©aidn )

pupbutt:

no words to even describe how much I prefer cold weather over hot weather